"Beetle Tranquilo"

"Beetle Tranquilo"

Today started off as what I like to call “a reality check day.”   On these days  the mornings always greet you with one test followed by another.  (I used to refer to them as problems but now I just call them test). More than likely I’ll  fail at a few of them which are then immediately followed by some tears and self -loathing.  And today was no different except for one small thing.  A bug.  A beetle to be exact.

So all through this “whoaaa is me day” there was this large beetle hovering around me.  I’m shooing- and running- and when it gets to close I start to panic even more. So I finally get rid of the damn thing somehow and continue on about my “check yo’self-anti merry day”.  I'm driving here and there-  In and out of this place and that place-and the whole time I'm on my pissy-sucky-booboo box "waaa waaa waaaa" until I get to the last stop where before i go in I have a look at myself in the sun visor mirror and THERE IS THE BEETLE SITTING ON MY SHOULDERRRRRRRRR!!!!!! 
Fortunately, I was on the phone with a friend (earpiece you’ll) so I didn’t act a fool like I was about to -and he said something like “that’s a good sign…it could be your DAD.”  (pause) My dad ain’t no beetle.  JK! Cld be. ;) But the point is this beetle had been there the entire time for hours probably in the same spot…. Chillin'..... while I'm trippin''…. 
It’s like the Beetle said TRANQUILO CABRÓN!  (I don’t know why the beetle speaks Spanish…) So I'm looking at this beetle on my shoulder and it’s looking at me…and I just had to relax.  There is no control- unless you stay calm- &face your fears head on.  So I'm all ‘cool and the gang’ now looking at this beetle on my shoulder and it was actually pretty frik'in beautiful!  Its color was regal and striking and it was alluring and graceful.  I decided if it was cool- I was cool.  So I left it there- right on my shoulder. I took care of everything I needed to take care of  and the rest of the day ended up being pretty darn good! I felt really light and positive. Then the beetle up and  flew away.  It was kinda like watching an amazing sunset on a day that you never want to end. 

Time: Real Early in the morning:::: Place: Los Angeles CA, My block:::: Suspect: Crystal V. Cotton aka “The Hawk”

Time: Real Early in the morning

Place: Los Angeles CA, My block

Suspect: Crystal V. Cotton aka “The Hawk”

Heading out for an early morning run- the temp is crisp and the L.A. air is welcoming a fresh and warm body to hold- Mind is clear- Thankful for every inhale and exhale I’ve had the opportunity to experience- feeling privileged to have the recall of family and friends- alive and deceased- to hug and kiss my memory of everyday thought, creating a smile coupled with the cognitive notion of, “I need to call her…” Life is good even with the $33 I have left in my pocket, no worriers; big things are about to happen right after this run…

My runs are exciting—pumping myself up to run that extra block or pick up the pace just until the next light and then getting to that next light and trying to exceed that goal creating another goal because achieving that last small one was such a thrill! Not to mention an audience—I am an actress let’s not forget—so seeing a cute guy or just anybody taking a min to stop what they are doing and watch you demands a little performance- and pumps me up to my Jackie Joyner stride with a hard facial grill of a determined Serena Williams shredding her opponent to pieces. 

Four or Five miles of good neighbor Korea Town concrete and I’m almost back home – floating like a butterfly –wheezing by each block like a bee—listening to the most thugged out music I can find on Pandora (that *ish cray) to run to the finish line with like a champion who just one the Olympics. As I approach my quiet block full of familiar strangers I imagine them as a crowd going wild—happy to see me in the lead of my race- first place- Gooooo Crystal Cotton they scream and yell as if my competitors are close on my tail, Yeahhhhhh—then they get in their cars and go to work.  And I go into my apt change and get ready for the rest of my………..hold up! --- It’s one thing to be in your own world and another to be in your own world and all is beautiful then be greeted by some form of Mother Nature that gives pause to perceptions….

On my way home from my run, feeling like an undefeated title winner, I see a pile of pretty white and blue bird feathers that look like they had hit the ground seconds before I arrived, coated with spatters of fresh red blood—only feathers-- no body—only remnants of what looks to be something unpleasant and tragic. 

A bird—a symbol of freedom, peace, progress, and prosperity---DEAD…

I watch as people timidly walked around the feathers look up at the tree from where it looks like it had its last stand -evaluated the situation and silently walked away. Anywhoo after another couple minutes of taking in the curious yet bewildering bloody scene I left too.  Later I found a Hawk was the culprit or should I just say responsible? …But It got me to thinking that sweet little tweetie bird got up early to get the worm and probably did—but he got jacked- and whether it was not keeping his eye on the skies above, or trying to impress another bird- or just plain 'ol sleeping on the job- tweetie lost his spot and it’s free range for the big Hawk--onward and upward. And I’m sure the hawk is out looking for the next opportunity.

So as I think about this relative to life – I’ll be symbolically emulating that Hawk while still catching flies with honey…J. So going into the new year of 2012 I’ll be using my hawk eyes for every opportunity.

So cheers to the tweetie birds… Enjoy your last meal.  ;)

Natural Hair and Showbiz Part 1

I knew it was coming; i always said i'd cross this bridge when i got to it, so here i go!  The hair Deliema has arrived! First and formost- I <3 my hair!!!! (a wink to my girl Kissa)  Im not about to go into all the sterotypes about black women with natural hair and what beauty does and doesn't look like because there are plenty of movies, books, and editorials that go into debth about this "situation."  

But for myself, a black women, with natural hair working hard to make a come up in the entertainment industry it feels a bit prohibiting.  Im a damn talented actress and when i get feedback sometimes its, 

"Crystal you were really good but we were going for a "softer" look.  No sweat- Im used to hearing Thank you, but no thank you. And this business is very fickle and subjective.  But now it's getting frustrating because it's becoming personal.  

I was talking to a mentor of mine in the business-white guy- and he said this, "Crystal - I love your Afro but as long as i been in this business 'we' ain't changed that much".  Wowwwww!  I love this dude for his honesty  and he had a good point.  I defend my fro to the fullest.  However my intentions were never to try and make any political statements- it just what made me feel comfortable.  Im a free bird. I like to travel the road less traveled; Tight Rope walk on wing and a prayer;  Wear clothes that don't match; Walk on the Wild side; Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moon light :) You get it.

But yes things havn't changed that much and i blame my very extended stay in New York for letting me forget that. When i moved to NYC, it was like finally!!! People Like Me!!! Everywhere!!! Nubian, Eclectic, Cutting Edge, New Age, Afrocentric, Fearless -REAL down to earth folks! But that was only on our small planet in NYC.  Middle America doesn't exactly get down like that.  Things are more commercial, more tamed and so is the mainstream film industry- believe it or not.  The world of indies not so much :)  

All this is brought me to think about making some big changes to my image. Nothing permanent. But sorta trial and era to see what best gets my foot in the door faster.  People that know me know i've always enjoyed the land of "wig"-dom.  But as a girlfriend of my said that it sometimes takes the fantasy out of things when in the beginning of the day i go from a straight wig and later take it off to expose my beautiful napp-fro.  People feel cheated i guess?  Again, I don't really care what folks think ... but bottom line is it's getting in the way of my goals.  Such a small thing too.  Soo unnecessary.  And im not saying that i can't get anywhere with my fro- au contraire- i just know when im closing in on a glass ceiling.  

So all this to say...Soon i'll be laying it down and shaking it up- and blowing in the wind...so here's the heads up.

Ultimately i hope im wrong about natural hair and showbiz.

12,178 days but the 1st of my Blog

Like many other things in life there is no welcoming committee for your first blog entry.  You make the decision and do it!  That's has been a running theme of my life, "Just do It!"  Life is short and I want to make sure when Im dead and gone from this body that I've left no stone unturned.  I guess you can consider blogging one less stone-- or maybe an archieve of the big picture!
But enough rhetoric for now...Im in freakkkkinnnn Los Angeles, California!
I think about the days growing up in Ohio and I knew in my heart I'd be here one day.  Not necessiarily in Cali but here-- living in the present doing those things I've always dreamed of doing.  There was never an alternative.  Although, with age comes the tricky filters of life and whether it be friends, family, or circumstance you start second guessing the choices you've made. Hindsight is always 20/20.  If i had it to do again I know i would have traveled the same route-- but maybe a little more tactfully. 
Wow!  Im typing and it's so much to say, sooooo many things to write about, sooooooooooooo many things happening!  But here goes the filters again and probably for a good reason.  I have no idea who will be reading my blogs and not sure if I care yet about what people will think of me.  Hmmmmm.
That's funny for me to write because i never cared that much before....or did I (dun dun dunnnn).  Yes at times i can be indecisive but they are very short moments.  Anywhoo this is funnnnn! Im not really expecting much magic from my first blog but im feeling a little tingle :) (hehe)
Like I started out saying, IM IN FREAKKKKINNN CALIFORNIA!!!!!  Didn't expect much from this place either but it's Magical!  Ok-- in my world it's Magical.  I get excited by the little things.  Outside of what i've heard about this place, especially for my industry- Entertainment- Im an actor- can't believe im just now mentioning that.  You know it was a time when id tell people when they asked what i did, that i was anything but an actor so i wouldn't sound flakey or so id be taken seriously-- (yes had a lot of filters play big parts in that too) but now It's no hold bars!  I am an actor!  An an Awesome actor at that!  I've worked hard.  Had my ups and downs.  Learned.  Taught.  And now im making my way to the top!  My mom use to tell me growing up that the only person that can stop you is YOU!  Kudos mommy!  (She's awesome btw.) So that's what i do. I moved to Cali from NYC 8mths ago to not only continue but excel in my craft!  And that's what im doing.  And with all the bad there has been mucho  awesome things happen.  I love life and everything and everyone that i have in it.  Hope that's not too corny of a note to end my first blog on but i like corn:) lol! 'Til the next post! Live life abundantly!!!